Thursday, 5 May 2011

What do Kesha, J-Lo, and Brit have in Common?

Apperantly this is what singers need to do to compete in todays musical marketplace...
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Jump to 0:53
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Kesha - 24 years old . (no I will not put a bloody dollar sign in her name)
Britney Spears - 30 years old 
Jennifer Lopez - 42 years old  

What we have here are three unique recording artists - each about a decade older than the last - who have essentially released the exact same song & video at the exact same time. Each song is backed by a slightly different style of electronic house beat with each actress dead-pan staring into the camera opening their mouth and trying to make the robotic sound coming out seem as natural as possible.

If it wasn't for the dump trucks filled with cash flowing into these people I'd actually feel bad for them. The amount of say they don't have in their music is off the charts. Ok, so it's not a surprise that Britney Spears doesn't write a lot of her songs; but this new song makes the "Oops I did it Again" lyrics look like Shakespeare. 

Now I can fully appreciate a good dance track. I do enjoy going out some nights and dancing to the very same songs I'm bashing. My biggest pet peeve is that almost all these songs fail the "boring-as-shit" test. Strip these songs down and you're left useless pieces of ridiculous lyrics and a monotone voice that even Stephen Hawking would snicker at (if he had the ability to snicker). Don't believe me? Go watch an acoustic version of E.T by Katy Perry. It's like she went into the washroom for her morning poop but instead of sitting on the toilet she just squatted over poetry as a concept and took a nice big shit on rhyming schemes and sentence structure.

Well, I wanted to put this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMSyQAOZkLk&feature=related up. But apparently Blogger has a limit to how much garbage I can submit an audience to in one blog. So you'll have to copy-paste it yourself... sorry!

These videos actually make me miss watching boy bands like B4-4 sing entire songs about going down on people.


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